The Warmth of Your Hands
by kate-7h
Summary: The clones Post-Reincarnation. '"What are you planning to do?" Sakura asked tentatively. "I'm not sure," Syaoran sighed and looked down at their clasped hands again, "I'm not sure if it would even matter if I went or stayed. In the whole scheme of things."' Syaoran ponders his past life and his future life with Sakura.


A/N: Syaoran's POV, so a bit of an angst fest. Although, he's not Fai, so it coud've been worse. Just saying...

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><p>There was fog sitting on top of the darkened water below, frost kissing the edges of the pond. Hong Kong hardly ever got cold enough for that when he was growing up there. But the winter in Japan was far more frigid. His breath was visible before his face with each exhale. He shivered slightly, his thick silk robes seemingly not warm enough for standing outdoors on a winter night.<p>

The trees were still visible in the distance, silhouetted by the darkness of the night and the contrasting garden lights. In a few months, when it was warmer, the sakura would blossom. He always looked forward to it. The changing of the seasons from the barren death of winter to the warm life brought by spring. It was one thing he loved about the world where he stood.

Syaoran tended to spend a lot of time in their garden, it being a quiet place where he could think. Separate from the noise of this world he'd been reincarnated into. As a child in Hong Kong, he'd done the same in the garden his mother had kept. He clasped his hands together against the rail of the bridge, ignoring the feeling of chilled flesh.

"Syaoran-kun?" He had let his eyes fall to the water again, but raised them at the sound of his beloved's voice calling his name.

He sent her a small smile as she walked towards him, her clothes flowing behind her in the calm breeze. Her face had fallen into that concerned expression which she wore so much. Those bright smiles she'd graced him with time and time again as they grew up were few in this life. Sometimes, that was all he wished for out of the day.

"Are you alright?" She asked, placing her hand upon his where it sat on the wooden rail. "What're you doing out here in the cold?"

He looked down again, this time at the hand which warmed his own. He rested his other hand on top of hers and squeezed gently, "I'm fine, Sakura. There's no need for worry."

Sakura nodded, her brow furrowed and her lip between her teeth. Instead of pushing, she looked out to the garden pond below them. She covered their already sandwiched hands with her right hand. In the yellow and pale glow from the electric lamps and the moon, she closed her eyes. Syaoran couldn't help but gaze at her, the diverse lights illuminating her soft features. She was so beautiful. She always had been, and he'd always thought so since the day he'd met her.

He tried not to fidget, as he wanted to keep holding on to her. Even if he shouldn't. As per usual, Syaoran could almost feel his very skin contaminating hers. There was blood on his hands, the countless lives he'd taken staining them red all these years and worlds later. His chest was tight as he remembered his past life. The things he'd done. To his friends; the family they had created in their travels together. That family he'd ripped apart with his bare hands. What he'd done to Fai-san, Kurogane-san, Mokona. To Sakura, and to his other self.

It was tight to the point of pain at times. His stomach in a near constant state of nausea. The family he'd been born to in this world had always thought him strange. But he supposed they were right. It was strange to have a child with the mentality of a guilt-ridden man. Although his mother was different. She was the matron of the Li family and had Clow Reed's blood flowing strong in her veins. This woman alone seemed to understand the gravity of his existence.

Somehow, she'd known partially what his situation was. Not that she knew anything specific, as he'd never told her. But she could sense things in a similar way that Fai-san, Mokona, and Sakura, were able to. On the day that Sakura had come to Hong Kong, his mother had known, and told him where to go to find her. She was a strange woman, but he was immensely grateful he'd been born to her. Despite how unfit he was for the purity that was Sakura, it had been a long fifteen years without her. He was grateful for the help of this mother that his wait was not longer.

Sakura's hands trembled as the breeze flowed against them in the night. And it drew him from his thoughts.

"Would you like to go inside?" He asked.

She shook her head, "No, I'll stay a little longer."

Turning to him, she smiled endearingly. It wasn't quite as wide and beaming as it used to be, but it was completely genuine with the warmth that Sakura had always filled him with.

"What are you planning to do?" She asked tentatively, still clinging to his hands.

He knew to what she was referring. Despite their lives being spread out over the plains of many different dimensions, they both still had to live life in the world where the currently resided. And on the kitchen table inside was a letter that proved that. An acceptance to an archaeological internship traveling to various places around the world.

"I'm not sure," Syaoran sighed and looked down at their clasped hands again, "I'm not sure if it would even matter if I went or stayed. In the whole scheme of things."

"Well whatever you decide, I will be right here at your side," Sakura stated with fervor. "And I hope that in whatever I do, you will be by my side as well."

He turned to her in surprise. Her face was full of determination, a steadfastness that he knew would never budge. And he never wanted her to. She waited for him to reply, but the words stuck in his throat.

"Sakura…" He trailed off, moved. His heart fluttered with a mixture of the love he had for her, and the grief in knowing he didn't deserve it.

Her face lightened. Unwinding her hand from his, she placed it against his cheek, "I will be here with you, always."

With that, she gently pulled his face down and pressed her lips to his cheek. He closed his eyes, relishing the warmth of her skin against his. It was a tender, chaste kiss. But she lingered there longer, breathing against him. He didn't blush, as he would have on their travels through the dimensions. They had grown accustomed to these small intimacies. Neither of them grew embarrassed about them anymore. They needed that comfort from each other, to hide away their guilts and traumas underneath the kisses and soft caresses. There was no more room for embarrassment.

She pulled away to wrap her arms about him, shivering into him. He wound his own arms around her, holding her close to warm her, and himself.

"I know you're not fine, Syaoran," Sakura murmured against his collarbone. "Please be open with me."

There was a pause as he processed what she'd said, then she continued, "Holding it in all on your own doesn't just hurt you."

He flinched, the words almost like a slap. Though, he doubted she'd meant to be harsh. But it was truly uncanny how easily she saw through him, or was he just that transparent? Syaoran didn't mind the emotional pain that was internally inflicted on him, it was something he felt he deserved after all the terrible things he'd done. But he wished no pain to ever befall Sakura. It was something he could not abide.

He hugged her tighter, resting his face against her hair, "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry," She said after a moment, tracing her fingertips across his shoulder. "Just try to be more honest with me. I know you're having a hard time and I want to help. Please let me."

Syaoran was silent, unsure of what to say next. He wanted to do as she asked, but his feelings were half the time just a jumble without comprehensive words attached to them. He leaned his face against the top of her head, lips pressed in her hair. Not really kissing her, but just breathing her in.

"I'll do my best," He whispered as he closed his eyes to the night.

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><p>AN: So yup, this was kind of an angst fest.. I was rereading those chapters where these two are married and raising little original Syaoran, and I just wanted to write for them! They are so depressing, it makes me really sad. My friend/sorta-beta-writer told me I should send them to an amusement park to cheer them up. SO maybe more oneshots for them? I dunna, let me know what you think :)


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